library anxiety

I used to be that kid who'd check out twenty books from the library at a time and read them all before they were due. Now I can check out one book, get too busy to read it, and then get caught in a loop of "if I return it without reading it I'm a failure/if I keep it I'll rack up a fine" and then eventually the library sticks a lost book fee on it and the book, which I still haven't read, will be forever associated with feelings of shame and failure, and I probably won't ever read it.

So I've been buying more books, whether it be used or new. I can afford to do that these days and even if it takes me years to get to them, they're mine. The other day I bought Noumenon, a new space opera that I've seen getting hyped up on twitter, and Ninefox Gambit, which I already own on kindle, but decided to buy in paper because I've been having a hard time reading digital books without distraction. If I continue to remember that this blog exists, I may come back and post my thoughts on them.